I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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