Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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