take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
