Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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