Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
