you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
