Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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