dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
