My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You made out with two different species that night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
