12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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