You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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