Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
