dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
