omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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