I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
