The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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