i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
