So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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