Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can Purell be used as lube?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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