census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
