no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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