I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
