I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
