My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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