Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
