And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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