I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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