I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
