I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
