NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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