True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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