What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
