I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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