Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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