Sponge bath it is.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
