There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
