Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
