The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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