It's Friday. Sex?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So vagazzling was a success
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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