Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
send nudes
from the living room?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
