i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
