uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
