And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
