I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's Friday. Sex?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
