Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
