just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
