Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
