Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
