I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
