I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
