Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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