my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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