I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
