I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
