were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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