did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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