Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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