Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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