you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
