1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
