did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
