just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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