ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
