Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
