the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
