Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
