She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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