so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
