tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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