Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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