My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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