Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
