I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
