i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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