Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
