So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
