I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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