We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Loading more great texts...