i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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