In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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