if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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