Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
