I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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