We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
