OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
