there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
