Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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