Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
