I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
