Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
